| Sometimes life's just a bunch of mismatched socks. |
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| Oooooh |
[02 May 2007|10:41am] |
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Updates, hurray! So, LU has conceded and I'm actually graduating in May. I'll be free of that horrendous place forever!! And, as a result, I've been skipped into the third year International Business and Trade graduate program at the college. I can feel educational freedom at the tips of my fingers.
Other than that, things have been progressing well. We have 4 employees at work and as a result I've been getting 8 and 9 hour shifts for the last two weeks. This means big paychecks, however temporary they may be. Also, Scott might be heading back to Calgary for the summer (!) but that's still up in the air. Depends if he can get a job here, which he probably could if he could stay clean long enough to pass a drug test. And by clean, I mean not smoke pot for a month. He's a cranky, angry, woman hating bastard when he's not high as a friggin kite, but if it means he gets a job then...I'll just keep avoiding him. I'll be surprised if he doesn't end up in jail soon. Anger control issues? What?
On the relationship front, that has also been progressing well. At least, *I* think it has, I can't really speak for him. But certain topics have been lurking on the horizon, so now I have to start thinking. The plan I had for my future? The life of singlehood in a big town, just successful enough, maybe with a cat or a dog, all bitter and tough on the outside but a pushover on the inside? Yeah...don't think that's going to happen anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with that, persay, it's just that I've always pictured my life like that. Ever since I was twelve. So...we'll see.
Other than that...I think that's my life in a nutshell at this point.
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[20 Mar 2007|01:38pm] |
Nothing says Happy Anniversary like a talking Shaun of the Dead doll. Complete with cricket bat, boquet of flowers and deadly zombie killing records. Or a beer mug emblazoned with "Let's drink until we don't feel feelings anymore!" Yeah, we're odd.
I've managed to get a whole 3 call backs on the millions of resumes I handed out. One store that shall remain nameless called me at 10 pm. Of those 3 calls, I had one whole interview that probably would have landed me a job had I been willing to quit school. Oh wait, that would have landed me 2 jobs, actually. And as tempting as that may be, I really have no desire to work as a call centre monkey for the rest of my natural life. I just don't have the spine.
Also, why is it snowing? WHY. There's not supposed to be any snow, its March dammit.
Graduating from LU at 9 am, May 25. I get to sit on a hot stage listening to a bunch of pompous asses going on about lord knows what, but at the end of it all I'll have a piece of paper declaring my successful completion of sweet fuck all that will help me get managerial jobs. Woo...
May get hair cut this weekend, depending on the state of my finances. If worse comes to worse, I'm sure I can do it myself.
At any rate, I must be off to study for a "surprise" test as well as prepare a faux income tax thingy. Hurrah.
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| I had a dream |
[07 Mar 2007|10:46am] |
And it was the most beautiful dream. In it, I was laying in a bed with crazy soft sheets and a big duvet. The boyfriend was beside me, sleeping peacefully. I got up and walked around a completely silent collection of rooms. A futon, a tv, a dvd player, a computer. A small kitchen table, 3 chairs, a kitchen. A bathroom with a real shower curtain. Then I realised, hey! It's my own place. There's no annoying ass brother around, no dictator mother, no constantly barking dog. It was heaven. I could sleep in the same bed as the boyfriend, no more sneaking out of my own room at 3 in the morning only to sneak back in at 8. It was friggin fantastic.
I got a call from MCCI yesterday, so hopefully something comes of it. Because lord knows I cannot stay in this house for much longer without snapping completely.
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[24 Feb 2007|01:13pm] |
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I don't get how someone can just sit there, all calm, and tell someone else that they are a selfish, lazy, fat ass failure. And then continue on like it never happened. Yes, I will admit I don't do my laundry often enough. And I don't keep my room anally clean. And yeah, my little tiny garbage bin gets full. But you know what? At least I don't milk you for money, or assume that the car is mine and thus I can go wherever whenever I want, or treat you like the scum of the fucking earth. If you hate me so much, if you NEVER wanted me, why did you keep me? You're not a practising Catholic, you could have had an abortion and waited for your perfect goddamned son. Hell, you could have gotten your tubes tied. Or maybe married someone who didn't want kids, wow, there's a FUCKING CONCEPT. Just don't take out your regret and frustration on me you stupid bitch.
Oh, and way to imply that you're going to kick me out because "you're going to be 24 and you're the most disrespectful, irresponsible person in this house". You wouldn't kick out your precious fucking son, even though he got your husband mad enough to kick in a fucking door, but you'll kick me out for not doing the dishes? FUCK YOU. You stupid whore.
I can't wait until I move out because then I won't have to put up with your SHIT every day. I won't have to see you, I won't have to hear you, I won't have to be near you, I won't even have to fucking talk to you because you're kidding yourself if you think I'm giving you my phone number. You'll be lucky if I tell you where I'm going to fucking live. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of apologising for not being fucking perfect, for not being you. I'm sick of you comparing me to the one person you hate the most in the world. How the FUCK do you think that makes me feel?
Stop kidding yourself that your precious son is any better than before he moved to Calgary, because he's not. He's just better at hiding it. It's called being continually baked out of his fucking mind. Why don't you ever get on his case about the basement, huh? Why is it that, heaven forbid there be fruit flies, they come from my room on the 2nd floor? Would it not make more sense that they're coming from the basement which is laden with empty pizza boxes and half empty beer bottles? Oh, but that's right. He's fucking PERFECT. Perfect people aren't dirty or lazy or selfish or irresponsible. Stupid me.
I don't like taking money from you. I feel like shit for wasting your money at university. I feel like shit for wasting your money at college, because that's what I see it as. All the shit I'm learning now? I don't need to go to school for it. Don't worry, I'll pay it all back, since I know that's all you really care about. And don't worry, I'll be out of your hair in 6 months, whether I can afford it or not.
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[21 Feb 2007|12:01am] |
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And this is why you should never plan too far ahead. I didn't end up getting the "grown up" job, which means I'm still fucking poor and having to borrow money off people to pay off my stupid fucking bills. I can't imagine what this would be like if I had rent and food and other shit to pay. Fuck. And to add to my shitty ass day? Apparently LU is ONCE AGAIN fucking me over, and as such I probably WON'T be graduating because my average is POINT 6% below what I need to graduate. I give up. Honestly. I. GIVE. UP.
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[16 Feb 2007|01:18pm] |
So there's something I need to get off my chest. Now, I am all for providing a place for people to come and stay in the country if they're fleeing from war torn countries or insane dictators and what have you. But fleeing to my country because you're too much of a fucking pussy to deal with a decision you made? Kindly fuck off. You are American. You signed up for the American Army. You did so voluntarily, while you were of sound mind. Noone held a gun to your head, noone threatened to kill your family and eat your children, noone threw acid at your face. You SIGNED UP knowing full well what the consequences were. So don't fucking come into MY country and fucking hide from your own stupidity. It's not like Vietnam. You weren't drafted against your will. Go back to your own damn country and "sacrifice" your life for you stupid invasion and get the sweet FUCK out of my country.
*ahem* ANYWAY.
Valentine's Day. I still don't get what the big deal is, but dammit I got flowers. Pretty ones, that are white and yellow and red. Its all I wanted, and its what I got. Then...we went to see Hannibal Rising. Incidentally, go see it. It was bloody amazing. So now I have to watch the other three, if only for continuity purposes.
I have to reschedule that job interview *note to self!* because dude had the flu and cancelled. Plus, I have to go BACK to the university to switch my major so I can graduate. HOW DOES THAT WORK. SERIOUSLY. Just give me my damn degree already. Fuck. It's not like it's the one I wanted anyway.
In other news...I think that's it.
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| Oy |
[28 Jan 2007|11:20am] |
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Tomorrow I have to do a million things that I've been putting off, some have reasons for my procrastination, others don't. I have to apply to graduate from LU, because the deadline is Friday and I thought for sure I had until the middle of February. Good thing I got paid last week, all of 140 dollars. Woo. I also have to make a doctor's appointment because the thing I thought would just magically go away on it's own hasn't, and I'm starting to get a little worried. Even though it's probably nothing, as I'm sure I would have figured out by now (almost 11 months later) that something's not right. And I swear to God, if the doctor says to me "oh you should get your dad to quit smoking because that's probably all it is" I will MAKE that man stop smoking. It's bad enough him and my mom both smoked while she was pregnant (amongst other things, I'm told) and while my brother and I were growing up. If I ever have kids, my house will be a non-smoking house. You wanna kill yourself, fine. You want to kill me, fine. But you will not kill my kids.
Started going back to the gym, discovered I didn't gain back as much as I originally thought. Thank God. I'm pretty sure if I'd had to start all over again I'd say to hell with it and continue my rapid descent into truly morbid obesity.
I'm thinking of cutting my hair. It's not long like it used to be, but its to the point where I can put it up in a ponytail and not have to worry about a million little strands flying everywhere. It's also at that wierd "ah ha! we are wavy and there's nothing you can do about it!" stage. But its not like its nice waves, nay nay. It's a bizarre almost curl in the front and tidal wave of insanity at the back. *sigh* I should just shave it all off and see what happens.
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| Well |
[13 Jan 2007|02:39pm] |
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As much as I'd like to go on a depression filled rant about things right now, I fear it would only make things worse (ha, worse). As such, I will simply say this. I need a new layout, since it's obviously not 2006 anymore. Anyone know what to do?
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| To hell with the record store... |
[10 Jan 2007|02:31pm] |
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mood |
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I've decided that my record store will also have a section for students to buy textbooks for less than 50 bucks because I think it's pretty fucking ridiculous that I have to spend 600 dollars this semester on books that will only be used once. And those are college textbooks. My University ones were more than that. I need someone to rationally explain to me how on earth a markup that high on a book can possibly be considered appropriate/fair/sane.
In other news...my classes this semester so far aren't too bad. Financial Analysis will probably be the most work, if only because it involves a lot of accounting. Financial Planning, however, will be the most valuable. Among the topics we're covering are how to make a budget, how to figure out insurance and how to write a proper will. IB kind of makes me want to chew through my wrist if only because we are expecting to spend a good chunk of time colouring in maps. I wish I were kidding. This means that I'll be accepting donations of pencil crayons. Just drop them in my mail box with a note if you want them returned.
Started going back to the gym. Certain people have goals they think I should make, which is fine for them. Personally, I'm just going to go by how my clothes fit. Looking at a scale is one of the more depressing things in life and I refuse to do it. I'll look at it once tomorrow when I'm at the gym, just to see where I am and give myself that additional motivation boost, but after that...no more. I was fairly successful for most of last year, and I plan to continue my success, even though I gained back most of what I initially lost last year. I just have to stick with it and do it for myself, as opposed to doing it for others.
On that note, it's almost time for class so I should probably go and attempt to not be terrified at the idea that this class is comprised mostly of group presentations.
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| Thinking out loud |
[19 Dec 2006|11:51am] |
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I think my boyfriend thinks I'm a freak. What with the random bouts of icyness *iciness?* and crying and what not. And my total lack of explanation behind them, since there really *is* no explanation for either. We were driving to the gas station so I could learn how to be a pump jockey *sidenote: I do know how to pump gas, he was trying to be funny* when he just came out and asked me about the dismal mood I've been in. So I told him that its probably because I don't open up about stuff that's bothering me because I don't like burdoning others with my seemingly tiny and insignificant problems. His response? "Well I want you to. It's not burdoning me with anything, I want you to talk to me." My inner response? An immediate stream of endless problems and annoyances and negative thinking. My actual response? "We'll see."
Why can I not open up to people, not even a professional? My psychological training *HA* leads me to believe it's due to the responses by my family *see also: mother* whenever I tried to talk about something that was bothering me. Basically it was brushed aside like so much insignificant teenage angst or it was all my fault and I told you so but you yadda yadda yadda. Thus, over the years, I have learned not to share anything because I will never get any useful input. Or at least, not to share anything I deem important. But I think I may start, because it seems like he'll at the very least listen to me. He may tell me what he thinks I want to hear, but I doubt it. At any rate, it can't hurt to open up. Can it?
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| Ooooh shiny! |
[14 Dec 2006|12:33pm] |
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I think it's hilarious how old guy is freaking out about having two tests and a presentation tomorrow. "omg, how can they do this to us?!" Um...dude...this is NOTHING. Trust me. Granted, I have a different perspective but still, we had more shit due on one day in high school than we have tomorrow.
There's nothing better than Jack Black singing Let's Get It On. No, really. I have an unnatural attraction to that man. I don't get it either!
In other news, work is going all right. After Christmas I won't be closing which excites me. I fucking hate closing. Sidenote: there is something really sticky and nasty on this keyboard.
I need to go to the University sometime next week if they're still open so I can apply to graduate. It'll be in May, I think, because my mom is all "zomg we're going to the ceremony whether you want to or not". I can't believe I'm going to be graduating from University with a degree that's basically only going to be used as a placeholder on my resume. But, hopefully it'll allow me to skip to third year here at the college and I'll be done my program sooner than expected. We'll see.
Sum up of 2006, even though technically its not over!
-Met a boy. Finally.
-Warped Tour. Note to self: next year sunscreen is your best friend.
-Schreiber.
-Flunked out of University, cried a little.
-Registered for College, getting A's for the first time in 5 years
-Found out I could graduate from Unversity, albeit with a completely different degree.
-Met Great Big Sea. WTF my friends. W.T.F.
-Lost 40 pounds, gained some back.
-Quit the hospital, got a job at Northern Reflections.
Those are the biggies, I think. I may add to it later, we shall see.
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| News |
[07 Dec 2006|09:28pm] |
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Good news, looks like I'll be a University graduate after all. That should make my mother happy. Now she can have a success story to tell instead of looking at me like I'm a goddamn failure. Anyone wanna sell me a car? Apparently she's tired of arranging all my rides for me. Funny...I always thought I was the one doing that. The only time she ever fucking does that is when her precious little fuckup needs the car and oh noez! he has to pick up my dad anyway so he might as well drop me off/pick me up since it's not too far out of his fucking way. I wish I could just up and take the car whenever the fuck I wanted to without asking, then demanding gas money because my sorry ass spent all my money on drugs and booze and smokes. But no. I'm a goddamn inconvenience because I don't fucking demand everyone bow down to me and treat me like I'm fucking royalty. Stupid bitch.
Anyway...where was I...oh yeah. Looks like LU is conceding and I'll be getting a general BA, which will hopefully skip me to third year at Con. I hope it does. I need to get the fuck out of here.
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| Intriguing... |
[24 Nov 2006|07:45am] |
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I have a new, new job. They're training me to be a keyholder *see also: night closer* because the other girl they hired quit. So hello responsibility. And, I may be able to put the 4 years of hell at LU to use! Apparently I have a small chance of getting just a general BA which means I'd be skipped into third year International Business at the college which means I'd *still* be the first person in my family to graduate from University and College. SO TAKE THAT LITTLE BROTHER! HA!
Also, anyone who wants a Christmas card, I need your address. I'm going to be productive this year and send out cards. Fun ones, of course. Email is...somewhere...so addresses people!
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[16 Nov 2006|10:10pm] |
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There are things in life that I'm just not ready for yet. Death, for example. It scares me. I've stayed up all night many times because I was terrified of falling asleep and never waking up. Its one of the few inevitabilities of life, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it. Monday night death decided to pay my family a visit, much like the Grim Reaper does to the Griffin family. My grandfather had a stroke and, like many older people do, called my parents instead of 911. Cue mom freaking out. My parents got him to the hospital where they proceeded to MAKE HIM WAIT in the waiting room for half an hour before even asking what was wrong. I imagine my mother was in hysterics at this point. Terrified and alone, I went across the street to my aunt's house and hung out with her friend Joanne who is much more cool in that kind of situation than I am.
Thankfully, my grandpa is ok. He had a TIA which is short for some long ass fancy term for mini stroke. He has to quit smoking and actually retire, but he'll be ok. You can't even tell he had a mini stroke unless you know him well enough to notice that the right side of his face droops a little bit.
I've never been that scared in my life. It's made me think about a lot of things, question my actions and beliefs and if what I'm doing with my life is what I *want* to be doing with my life. There's a fruitopia commercial that plays at the theatre that ends with "pick the happy ending, because life has no sequels". And it's true. That isn't to say that we just die and that's that. I fully believe in an afterlife of some kind. But it won't be *this* life.
Now, its late. I'm going to fix my bed, grab my duck and watch some cartoons before nodding off for the night. And formulate a plan that will allow me to get to Schreiber before Xmas so I can actually wake up next to someone without having to sneak down a hallway first.
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[11 Nov 2006|02:05am] |
Yeah...so...new job? Sucks monkey balls, but it pays the bills and lets me buy things for Christmas so I'm happy that I at least have that. I'm going to try and send out cards this year, so if you want one leave your mailing address in my inbox at crazy_hyper1 at hotmail dot com. I make no promises, but I do love my Christmas cards. And socks. Speaking of! The new Dollarama place has $1 toe socks!!! SWEET. JEBUS. That's all I have to say.
School has been going exceptionally well, aside from International Business but that's a whole other kettle of fish that's long and boring and involves a woman from Ireland. For the first time since...oh...grade 11 I've managed to pull off 80's. 80s! In a math class, no less. The only thing that wierds me out is being called on by name. I'm still getting used to people actually calling me Sara.
My over analysis of every little thing in life is starting to drive me over the edge, but I've been reading up on ways to get over it and deal with it so it's slowly getting better.
My cousin won the gold medal at the World Karate Championships in Spain this week, so that's pretty cool. She kept commenting on all the hot Irish guys and how beautiful Paris was. Note to self! Go to Paris.
I think that's it. Perhaps tomorrow I'll make a decent post with all my crazy leftover teenage anguish and angst. Or...you know...not. We'll see.
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| News! |
[22 Oct 2006|07:15pm] |
New job is looking up. Working with someone who will be...interesting...to work with. Today was the last day at the hospital, thank sweet baby jesus. My brother's Wendy's got robbed last night under rather shady circumstances but the main thing is that he's ok. College is still easy as pie compared to University. My heart kinda hurts. Still have the random ball of wierd in my throat that I should probably get checked out properly. Need to buy "work appropriate clothes", see also: clothes from Northern Reflections or that look like they came from there.
http://girlwiththepinksocks.deviantart.com
That is all.
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[26 Sep 2006|05:12pm] |
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Time spent searching for new job=12 hours
Number of hours spent today handing out resumes=1 hour
Number of resumes handed out=6
Number of interviews lined up for this week=3
Zacks tonight, La Senza tomorrow, Northern Reflections Thursday. Yay retail!
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| Flannel, flannel everywhere |
[21 Sep 2006|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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 see also: freezing my tail off |
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That's right folks, I've hauled out the new, uber warm cotton/flannel sheets. Why? Because it's the time of year where my bedroom goes from furnace to icebox. And since we got rid of the carpets the floor is like fucking ice, and I don't have a proper pair of slippers! Oh! And hello hockey season, you can END NOW.
School's still ok. Accounting teacher though? If he thinks I'm coming in on a Saturday to make up 2 hours, he's crazy. NUTS. It's not my fault he had to cancel class for a "prior engagement". Fuck that shit, as my brother would so eloquently put it.
Probably going to apply at Zellers again, and EBGames, maybe Chapters if I can pass that damned math test...any other ideas? Even if it's just for Christmas I don't care. While I may still live at home and not have "real" bills, I still can't pay the ones I do have on a paycheck of less than 200 dollars and go to school. Especially not in January when I have to buy a buttload of books again. So ideas would be appreciated! No call centres though. I'm not cut-out for that kind of thing.
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